I would like to apologize to you all for not sending an email for two
weeks. I'm not sure I knew how much it meant to you, and I was having
a few hard days. It has been hard trying to do missionary work with
this companionship. We have had many struggles and I have found it
very difficult to be the missionary I am used to being. I have changed
a lot over the past month. I think the biggest thing that I am worried
about though is the attitude of complacency towards the Gospel of
Jesus Christ and the willingness in my heart to break commitments and
disobey the commandments when something more entertaining arises. That
inward struggle is far worse than any of the outward things I have
done or left undone.
However, I am so grateful to know that that is not who I really am. I
have learned so much over the past few weeks about standing strong
even if it means standing alone. I have become even more grateful for
all of those who did and do stand by the Savior with me. I have seen
Jesus Christ help me again and again to stand up and turn around.
Although I made many mistakes, I am grateful to know that the very
instant I turned to Heavenly Father in sincere repentant prayer, He
was there to forgive and strengthen me. The spirit and the peace just
come so quickly. I have seen so many wonderful miracles this transfer
and enjoyed so much peace.
My thoughts turn toward the scriptures and the pleas of the people in them.
"Yea, what shall I do that I may be born of God, having this wicked
spirit rooted out of my breast, and receive his Spirit, that I may be
filled with joy, that I may not be cast off at the last day?"
"Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give
place no more for the enemy of my soul. ... O Lord, wilt thou redeem
my soul? ... Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of
And the wonderful praises resulting from these prayers being answered.
"Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and
also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the
Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our
hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good
I love this scripture because in Spanish the word disposition
translates to a readiness or willingness. The people were no longer
ready or even willing to commit sin after experiencing Gospel of Jesus
Christ. True repentance changed their very natures. I know that is
possible because of the gift of the Holy Ghost which sanctifies and
fills our hearts.
I am getting closer to it but I am not quite there. I am grateful for
all the progress that Heavenly Father has granted unto me through his
Holy Spirit which has indeed wrought many changes in my heart. I am
grateful for all of the chances to start over. Fall down seven times,
stand up eight times! It is all possible because of the Savior, Jesus
Christ. I love him, and I will follow him. I love you all. In the name
of Jesus Christ. Amen.